A Crazy Little Thing Called FIRST LOVE

Yesterday's hoohaa about "First Love (A Crazy Little Thing Called Love)," as broadcasted by ABS-CBN, caused a raw nerve and eventually in my dreaming state, my bestfriend Id (I should really give him a name) has challenged me to come up with something like it.

Of course there were still some symbolisms involved, but as a whole, this dream gave me a complete story, and so I'm going to forgo the analysis.

This dream was like watching a Filipino movie -- starring, Mario Mauerer as the real love interest, Shun Oguri as the guy in between, and Angel Locsin as the girl making her choices. So we shall call the characters by their actors' names.

Angel was just your ordinary, tomboyish high school girl -- a female clown in class, a valued member of the girl's basketball team after. But like any ordinary high school girl, she has insecurities that keeps her from telling the guy she is crushing on that she likes him.

And so she asked for help from her best friend -- Dimples Romana (don't ask, probably caused by her Lobo stint). Dimples set out a plan to get Mario's attention and to get him in the end.

But unlike all the other movies, her make-over was that of a duck to a swan. As Dimples had said it, Angel is already beautiful enough that's why she gets the attention. What she needed was personality make-over, so that Mario will see her as a lady and not the class clown.

Montage. Angel helps with the student council promotion of campus cleanliness and preservation of nature, her basketball games, and being a lady instead of being a clown (OMG -- by the time I'm writing this sentence, I've started to forget the details).

I can't remember what happened, that got Angel in trouble and she was punished to do community service -- helping clean up and guard a WWII underground ruins that was just discovered recently. By pure luck or by just coincidence, Mario was an archeology geek and volunteers in guarding the dig as it goes through some court proceedings.

This is where they become close and where things got complicated. Because they have become close, Angel could not break his trust and tell him she likes him (sounds familiar). To Angel, confessing her feelings is like severing the friendship she already built up with him.

Shun comes into the picture. Dimples devices another plan. In the guise of helping Angel be closer to Shun, she makes Mario jealous of that relationship -- forcing him to assert his own feelings and fight for Angel.

One of the plans were to give Shun a gift that Mario would appreciate more. Dimples sent one of her minions to do it (The actress seems to be one of my former college classmates -- We're not close and we haven't spoken in almost 10 years). Shun passes by the archeology site to give his thanks to Angel personally. A full set of One Piece (blame this on the rumors of Ninomiya Kazunari's gift to Sasaki Nozomi). Raw nerves were stricken. Mario was jealous. But he, too, was playing the I'm-not-going-to-break-this-friendship-just-coz-I-like-you-game.

After winning a basketball game, she caught Mario and Shun fighting. Distressed, she ran to the arch site as it has become her sanctuary. Both boys ran after her, but only Mario had clearance to pass the site. In a futon they've set up inside the site, Mario found Angel lying down. He lied down beside her. He wanted to put his arms around her, but decided not to. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, and tell him she loves him, be she just can't do it.

Then the heavy stone doors of the arch site closes -- the two are trapped. And that's when I woke up.

As a side story, the archeology site seems to be where a Japanese soldier left his treasure. A group of greedy people were trying to trick people into letting them into the site just so they could get that treasure.

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No analysis. I just refuse to analyze this one to keep me from having a heavy headache.

Nino's Goodbye Girl

Nino and I were in front of the computer checking blogs, checking Plurk, checking Twitter, doing all the routines one now does with the computer -- only here, there were a lot of flirting involved. While reading a site, he suddenly pulled me out of the house telling me he just remembered he's supposed to show me something.

He was rushing me to put on my shoes, though he was just wearing a simple black thong slippers -- the likes you wear just around the house. I hurriedly put on my red suede slip-on flat loafers while he was closing the door and giggling over the panic that he has caused in me. I kept on telling him, I didn't have the house keys on me, twice. But, I guess he wasn't listening, because he locked the door, anyways. When the door was closed and secured, when I was done putting on my shoes, I asked him, "Do you have the key?" He looked at me as if he was expecting I had it. A moment of silence. Then he said, "Daijoubu, daijoubu" and then pulled me away from the house in a hurry once again. He said, we'll ask Kervs to take us in. And I just responded, "Kervs? Why Kervs?"

We walked a couple of blocks talking about random things, laughing at the most inane stuff, mostly flirting -- like a couple of high school lovers. He was holding my hands all throughout, not letting me go.

When we came across a community park, we cautiously entered. There were a couple of men there. With his hands still clutching mine, he approached the smaller of the men, and said, "Sumimasen."

An old bum faced us and started screaming at us. Nino pushed me back, his grip of my hand tightened. We were both scared by this, but he remained poised. As we back off, we almost bumped into the taller man smoking a cigarette. Nino and I both shrieked in surpise and the man just looked at us with irritation.

Recognition enveloped me slowly. I realized, the taller man was my brother, Christian. Without any other reaction, trying to be as polite as I always am in real life, I introduced Nino to Christian as my boyfriend. Joseph, my other brother came running and asked Christian what the screaming was about. Christian just pointed me to him. So I said hi and introduced Nino to Joseph, too. In my dream-life memories, I introduced him as Nino because it was easier to remember for Filipinos and it's it's better they know him by that name than his given one.

We left my brothers and we walked aimlessly in the middle of the night.

After walking a few more blocks, and talking about my Care Bears birthday cake when I was younger, we found ourselves in Kerv's house. He took us in, and let us sleep on the floor. When I woke up, Nino was gone.

Angry, depressed, insecure and almost crying -- I composed a text message for him. In the end, what I sent was -- "I wanna sleep beside you. Where are you? I wanna go to you."

Kervin wasn't there. But, Pao J. was, and a few other people I didn't even try to notice. Pao was telling me how he plans to deliver that huge Tenderheart Bear plushie to my address. I wasn't listening, I was looking through the window waiting for Nino to respond to my text message.

A van stopped in front of the house, a young boy stepped out followed by a few other people, and then Nino.

The youngest boy found his way upstairs and started talking to me. I was politely chatting with him. I wasn't sure if he was Nino's nephew or little brother. Then Nino sat down behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I was mad. I asked him, "why did you leave me without telling me where you were going?" But, I didn't let him answer. "I don't want that to happen again. I can't take that. I've been left by people while I was sleeping. They never came back. My dad did the same thing, my ex did the same thing ..."

He interrupted me and said, "But, I'm here. I came back." And his family was waiting downstairs.

Then I woke up.
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I do not own a red suede slip-on loafer shoes. I never had a Care Bears cake for a birthday. None of my ex left me while I was sleeping. Only my biological father did. I guess, I was more affected by that than I claim to be not. EDIT: Nino does not have a younger brother. I'm not sure if he has a nephew already.

Yesterday, I had just declared that Sho is back to being my ichiban to replace Nino who is very much in love with Sasaki Nozommi right now (if rumors are true). But I guess, I can never fool myself.

On to the analysis.

I am currently not speaking terms with my brothers. Up until I woke up, I didn't know what Nino said he was going to show me. Only in my waking life did I realize it was my brothers he wanted to show to me. Should I see them one last time? My pride would not let me. They are the ones who don't contact me, then it is up to them to find me. Besides, I'm not the one who has issues with them. enough with the TMI.

Shoes indicate approach in life. So how do i approach it? RED, with lots of passion and intensity. SUEDE, soft exterior, tough construction (people who know me, know this well of me). SLIP-ON FLAT LOAFERS, easy to put on, comfortable, flexible, can be used in the in casual, office or dinner settings. So why is my Id reminding me who I am? connect my sibling situation with my personality. In the end, I'm as filial as any other true blue Filipino girl.

Birthday cakes -- though it wasn't physically there and was just talked about -- mean dreams, ambitions in fruition and openness to let others in your life. In MY life.

The Care Bear Pao J. is trying to send to me is my insecurity about moving away from my comfort zone. It's like my Id is reassuring me that even from across the pond, my friends will be there.

I think my Id has started to use Nino as a representation of itself. Everything else seems to be self explanatory.


EDIT: friend Chelli corrected me and said the shoes i dreamed of wasn't loafers but ballet flats (like that pictured on the right). However, if you look at it, it doesn't really change anything much. The meaning is the same as a loafers. Unless you can tell me something new about Ballet Flats that I don't know about.

[REVISIT] First Appearance of All 5 Arashi

THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED IN AIBAKALAND

Posted: Sat Jun 06, 2009 6:34 pm

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i don't remember if i have posted my dreams here before ... but i do dream about them quite frequently ... most especially, Nino.

However, I'll just put in the latest one, a few nights ago. 6th dream of what started last April -- before April I had 0 Arashi related dreams.

All five of them and I were on a trip to see a family -- one of theirs. When we reached the house, they made me push the doorbell. When I looked back they were at a distance. Aiba-chan went to buy a bottle of local beer in the convenience store 2 house away from where I was standing. So did Sho. MatsuJun, Nino and Oh-chan bought non-alcoholic drinks. I went after them, leaving the lady who answered the door behind. There was a few minutes chat. Then Sho-kun pulled my hand and decided that it's time I meet this family -- but none of them would tell me whose was it. Nino pulled my other hand as MatsuJun pushed me by my shoulder. Then Nino put his arms around my shoulders, so I put mine around his waist while my other hand was still holding Sho's. I looked behind me and found MatsuJun closely behind me, his arms around Oh-chan and vice versa. Aiba was walking behind them with his bottle of beer.

I never really understood the dream. Then again, what's there to understand?

Nino and his Butai

As usual, even in my dreams, I was running late.

Nino was holding a stage play at Palma Hall, UP Diliman as part of a cultural exchange. An online friend and I had agreed to see the play together and was meeting her at the venue of the play.

When I arrived, it was already in the middle of the play. Nino was throwing a very long monologue. There was nobody else on the stage. I immediately sat beside the online friend, avoiding sentences that needed to use her name. Even in dreams, I couldn't remember names of those I just met.

I asked my online friend how late I was as I took off my jacket. She said that I missed the whole first act and how awesome "our baby" (Nino) was. I brushed it off and told her that it was ok since I was going to see the play again on another day with my fan-girl friends, I just wanted to be there ont he first day.

The auditorium was almost empty. There were just the two of us in our row, and around five others scattered around us. When I looked up at the balcony, all seats were occupied. There were five girls in their Poveda uniform at the corner seats right above the door, so I thought, must be a school requirement.

When I looked back at the stage, Nino was looking at and then gave me a salute, to which i responded with a salute as well. But, then, halfway to my salute, I realized, it was part of the play, and that he couldn't have thrown me a salute, for he didn't know me (sometimes, in real life, I forget I'm really not married to him LOL).

I watched intently as the monologue continued, despite not understanding the lines -- it was in Japanese. He looked at me several more times, and I felt a funny feeling like he knew me. I brushed it off again and again, thinking he couldn't. At the end of the monologue, he walked off the stage and headed for the door I used to enter the auditorium. I guessed it was part of the play, but the five girls suddenly jumped up and started screaming fan-girl shrieks, calling out "Nino! Nino!" They were so excited, and I was so out of it, I hadn't realized the lights were already on and that the intermission had started. Before going out of the door, he gave me one last look and disappeared behind it.

My online friend told me that the 3rd act would be a short one. She, then, excused herself to go to the comfort room. I exchanged pleasantries with the other audience as if I knew some of them.

A little boy, the son of the woman in charge of the play, came rushing to me and started clinging to me. As his mother was busy, I took it upon myself to play with him and keep him from wreaking havoc in the auditorium. When he touched the microphone by the stage, the microphone burst out a feedback. It wasn't a loud feedback, but it was still annoying. I grabbed the little boy, tried to take him back to the seats as the audience started to take their seats as well.

The lights dimmed, the play was about to start again. I was still dragging the boy to his mother.

But then, the light completely went out and I woke up.
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Auditorium or lecture halls --like that in my dream-- meant that I'm to learn something and that I need to pay attention. Watching a play meant I need to draw inspiration from others. It may also mean that I'm going to have pleasure in the company of new friends. But I always have new friends, so I'm more inclined to believe that I need to pay attention to something.

Being late can mean two different things for me. Either I'm apprehensive about this very late change in my life or that I'm psyching myself up that it's better late than never. The exhiliration of seeing Nino in person up close (at least in my dream), made it worth it even though I'm late. I wasn't worried about being late either for I could see the play again another day. So I'm leaning towards "better late than never."

The microphone means I need to voice out my thoughts. This has something to do with family issues I'm going through right now. I have been silent these past five days. I want to say something, but I'm afraid that if I do, it'll just fan the flame.

The naughty little boy, I can't figure out. Who is this boy? It sure did bring out my motherly instincts. But, what does he represent? Why was he clinging on to me so much? What is he keeping me from seeing, like the way he kept me from seeing the 3rd act of the play?

First time I'm stumped.

Another Post-Apocalyptic Dream

A hodge-podge of dreams, one even with a post-apocalyptic theme once again. And this time, it's as vivid as a movie on your TV screen.

~oOo~

I was back in Camella, where I was bullied from elementary to high school. But, here, instead of being bullied and being manipulated by the cool crowd, I was the one doing the bullying. It seems that the boys and the girls were separated into two class. In the girl's room, one of my close friends was bullied by James Pineda. So I went to the boys class with a bottle in my hand, and took a seat behind James. None of the other boys hindered me, they were scared of me. I taunted James, with Jeffrey Padilla beside him. I threatened him without actually saying threatening words.

When Ms. Joey came to hush the class, James and Jeffrey told on me. They kept on accusing me of bullying from behind Ms. Joey, I denied every accusation. Being good with words, I argued that I didn't say anything to threaten them, I argued that they just assumed all threats when I was just asking them how they were. Ms. Joey left me off easily. With a smug on my face, I left the classroom to return to mine.

~oOo~

We were told of an exciting experiment, with an unknown results. But being young and adventuristic, we wanted to know how it would feel to do the experiment first hand. So, with two of my close friends, did some crime, hurt the feelings of a beautiful young girl, and went straight to the basement of the school to do the experiment. The formulation of the bath was weird, it contains formaldehyde and an unknown liquid that our Science teacher gave to us. After making sure that we have followed our teacher's precise instructions on the consistency of the formula inside the earthen jar, I immersed myself. But, the other two boys suddenly pushed my head down as if to drown me. After a few seconds of struggling, I blacked out.

When I came to, the whole basement was a mess. Everything was scorched and scattered all over the floor. Even the earthen jar I came out of had scorches. I tried to control my dizziness and struggled to walked towards the light from the door. The bright light of the sun greeted me. There was no building above the basement anymore. Only ruins of walls. Across the door where I came out, there was a shanty that looked like a small ruined wooden sail boat, where a young girl was looking back at me. The face vaguely familiar, took me a few seconds to realize she was the girl we bullied before doing the experiment.

Then suddenly, people came out from the boat, one of which was my Science teacher. Rejoicing my return, they pulled me inside the boat and led me a community underground where they bathe me, and clothed me, and fed me. As the others danced and sang, the Science teacher explained to me that I have been out for quite sometime now.

~oOo~

My teacher brought me to a mall that connects to the underground community. People were staring at me, recognizing who I was. We ran across Homer and a girl I'm supposed to know. Homer was shocked. My teacher and I walked more, telling me just get whatever I need and he'll pay for it.

The girl who was with Homer ran to me with Ryan Toledo behind her. Her eyes were begging, and I didn't know what to do. Then she talked to Ryan, telling him that I was an old friend. Ryan looked at me, and said he doesn't know me, but he kept on talking about things I can't understand. I realized, Ryan, not only had lost his memories, he had already lost his mind. Feeling pity and guilt, I tried to make him remember things about me, relating to his fears. But, he realized I was lying, that I was tricking his brains into remembering me by associating my existence through other things he remembers.

Ryan ran off. The girl followed after him.

My Science teacher said, that Ryan wasn't the only one who became like that.

~oOo~

On an SUV, we travelled all the way to Las Pinas. They said I needed to go and meet somebody. The road we travelled on looked so strange in my eyes. The buildings and plots beside the road were unfamiliar. There was a resort being built, with water slides dumped on one spot waiting to be put together. I told them, this was not the Las Pinas I once knew. One of the girls, we were with, told me that the resort was the newest project of the man who gave their life again. The man, made sure everyone's scorched skin, were operated on. However, the Man, had been dictating what the country and its citizens would do. With me, the survivor of the catastrophe without having any help from the Man, they would be able to topple this restrictive government.

We stopped at a busy rows of karinderias, where cabs were lined up and their drivers having lunch. My Science teacher went up to one of the cab drivers and converesed a little. The walked back to the SUV together wary of their surroundings. My Science teacher opened the back of the car and left it open as he settled himself in the driver's seat. The science teacher gave me a bill and told me to hand it over to the cab driver subltely. The cab driver took something out of his cab's trunk and placed it inside our car. I shook hands with the cab driver, passing on the bill subtely. He closed the back and smiled at me as car drove on. I watched him grew little as we moved forward, and I watched him as he exploded and burned.

A riot suddenly started. Gunfires could be heard everywhere. The cars before us stopped moving. My Science teacher put the car in reverse trying to get away from the riot as fast as possible. I saw a man in front of the car aiming a sniper at us, and I watched him pull his trigger. Frozen in place by shock, I felt the bullet went past by my ear and lodge in cushion of the back of my seat. As the whizzing sound of the bullet passing beside my ear reverberated, I vaguely heard my Science teacher say to me, "you could have been dead if you weren't so God-damn lucky."

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Bullying is a sign that I'm being too agressive in a part of my life. What part, I'm not sure. Maybe, I'm over-compensating for all the bullying I received when I was child, that now, I'm running with my false-bravado in full throttle.

As the earthen jar had protected me from the devastation in the apocalypse, it symbolizes my need to be protected like a baby in a womb from the fast approaching change in my life.

The girl in the boat is the other me. It only means I've finally learned how to be honest and express my true feelings. That, I know what to say now.

As much as people were staring at me in the mall, is just as much as I want my arrival to be celebrated. Same with the people rejoicing upon finding me.

The waterslides indicate that I'm letting this change guide me without objection or resistance. Probably because I'm done resisting it.

The taxi drivers eating may indicate that I'm being eaten by this change alive, despite not resisting this change.

The burning man seems to mean that I'm blinded by my own ambition, consumed by it. And that also represents the ambition I have burned a lot of people with. It's just a reminder that I can be consumed by this ambition even after the great change.

The bullet seems to be a warning, I will have to bite it and accept the difficulties that lie ahead.

Swept Away By Flood

It wasn't just that I was swept away by flood. The flood, was instantaneous like it was a tsunami that hit us. It was high, too. I remember being brought up to the second floor of a building. And, it was extremely filthy -- rats and leeches stuck to us as we were all swept away. They were biting my legs.

The flood, eventually, subsided and we were saved. There were three of us fished out of the flood. But, I was the only one wearing a dress. One of the other two girls said she thinks the things floating with us had bitten and entered us in some way or another. Something happened to us during that flood. It was, as if, we were violated.

I woke up here. It was around 5am.

When I went back to sleep, the dream setting was sort of post-apocalyptic. But, I cannot remember everything once I opened my eyes. I remember thinking about Arashi as I would in my waking life. So, I thought, it was kind of realistic.

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Flood has always meant that I'm deep in debt in my waking life. I've always been deep in debt. I cannot remember a time I was debt free anymore. However, for this past year, I have not had a dream about floods. And for a couple of years now, the floods in my dreams had never went past my ankle.

Maybe this was caused by the rent's notice I read last night. Usually, it's only 10k more or less. This time, because we forgot to bring in our continuation request to the apartment's administration office, it was a big red 12k on the rent's notice. PLDT bill was also pinned on the cork board. So many bills to pay, so little money. Especially after Singapore trip.

Rats biting me probably was a manifestation of how I liked to have worked in Singapore. The current ulitmate arena for the rat-race. I have half the heart to find work in Singapore. But, why is it dirty? Is a part of me repulsed by the idea? Because the leeches also indicate repulsion.

I wish I could remember the dream after that. That could have had the key to this mysterious dream.

Monster Husband and his 6-Year-Old Nth Wife

Because we're leaving, there were always some food to pack, to bring along to the travel.

I was married, to this head honcho. He's gorgeous. But, he's also a monster. A literal one.

He may have married me, but he married several other wives, too. The most recent of whom, is a 6 year old child. Or so I thought. I was angry, a little jealous of the girl, and worried of the frailness of that body.

On her first night, while she occupies the main bed, I stay in the lower bed and wait for my husband to disappear into the night. I was deadset on protecting the girl, even if I have to be punished for it. I jump to the other bed, ready to hush the little girl in case she cries at the sight of the monster. The monster husband doesn't like crying little girls. He devours them, like all mosters do.

When the husband came back from his monster form to mist to his gorgeous naked human form, I covered the girl with my body. But, he was stronger and he just pulled me away from her with one hand. However small his package was, he was still strong and powerful.

I offered myself so that he wouldn't have to touch her. But, he still did. Then the little girl threw up. The monster husband told me to clean her up, and the bed afterwards. I asked her what was wrong, and he answered for her. She's pregnant, he said. That can't be, was my only response, to which he answer, she's old enough.

It was the first time I heard the child speak. She said to me, it's ok, my body can take it.

I carried her to the bathroom, cleaned her up with the help of another wife. Third wife, if I remember correctly. All throughout while I was giving her a bath, I was thinking of how to take this child away from the monster husband.

And then, there were more food packings to be done.

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These are new concepts to me and so I had to look them all up.

Packing food, hoarding for the trip means, I'm scared of this SG trip I'm embarking on. I'm insecure because I don't have enough money and I'm at a lost how I'll get through.

When I looked at the monster husband, I see a naked form, but I wasn't aroused. My thoughts were still on the child and how to protect her. I didn't care about him. So when I looked this up, they say it meant that I needed to learn how to be not afraid of rejection. Last night, I had a moment when I felt I was rejected. I guess, my unconscious is telling me to end this insecurity.

Seeing someone vomit means someone is taking advantage of me and lying about it. But, I have not had any interaction with a lot of people late. I am only surrounded by most trusted ones.

Saving a child means saving myself. What am I trying to save myself from? What or who is this monster husband?

Taguig Ho House

Taguig house is my grandfather's house. However, in this dream It was MS & IS's house where they let me stay for free in exchange for my services, I even have my own room. What kind of services? At first I thought it was just being a servant of sort, house cleaning, house sitting.

The Taguig house kind of looks different, however, in my dream's memory, it's the same house. Across the hall from my room, Squal stays, along with the other guys.

I was a little randy and seeing Squal there, I thought, hey maybe I can get some from him. It's a bad idea, being my ex, and I didn't want to stir up old feelings and confusion, when all I needed was sex.

After a few getting away from chores he was doing, I was able to pull him inside my room. He happily obliged -- a little smug, too. At first, I started small talk. I asked him why JPM moved out of this house long before I even thought of moving in. He pulled me to sit on his lap, I started kissing him, and in between kisses he answered me. "He can't handle the job here," he said, "No one's forcing us, but in the end, it's much easier that way."

And I understood immediately, we offer sexual services and we have our own rooms for that purpose.

I woke up and I find nobody else in my bed. So I went out of my room and find that the whole house was having a general clean up. I called out to Squal and asked him to explain some things to me. I couldn't remember what happened, did something happen between us or not? Apparently, I blacked out.

Before he could stand up and approach me, NY grabbed my arms and pulled me to the side, asking me, "Where those cats I heard last night, or somebody finally getting some?" A flash of memory of last night's tryst came to me. It looked wild.

I blushed. Not because I'm ashamed of what I did, but more because I was embarrassed for being noisy.

I felt Squal's strong hands pulling me away from Nick. He was a little peeved. I couldn't understand why he was peeved. He dragged me down the stairs and out to the front door. Before we could exit, we find a room's door ajar and there one of our supposed housemates were giving a Chinese-mestiza woman a service. And the woman is obviously very happy about it.

We went out and Squal explained to me that I blacked out. But before he could say anything else, I went back in the house, curious of the quick clean up and the ongoing service. When I went in, IdlC and her husband were already cleaning up after our fellow member who had walked the woman to her car. Semen were all over the pillows. IdlC was nagging.

And the realization hit me. It's true. Question now is, should I stay or should I go?

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Squal was an amalgam of Squal and Nino. He has Squal's face, but his demeanor was so Nino. Upon waking up, I was a bit confused as to who really was in my dream. The hair was very Nino, though, as well as the smug face. The suave actions he also did is so not Squal -- like the way he pulled me to him and the way he grabbed my arm.

Apparently, sex with an ex in dreams mean embarking on a new situation. Once again, the immigration thing comes up, I guess.

We learn something new everyday. Or in this case, every night.

A Crying Baby on the Day of My Immigration Medical Exam

Because I woke up super early today, and that distracts me from recalling my dreams, it was only when I was riding the cab to the hospital when I remembered that I had a dream. I could only remember flashes of it. You know how in the movie trailers, they flash scenes with accompanying sound effect of heartbeats? That was how I remember it.

There was a baby again. And SHE was my baby. And she was crying. Bawling so loudly. And I couldn't make her stop crying.

In my dream's memory, it was the child I had with Nino. But, maybe my non-dreaming mind had already altered that, so I'm not gonna count that in.

I know it's all about this immigration thing. Babies, starting anew. Starting from scratch.

But why was she crying this time?

Crapping in Front of Them -- Not a Beautiful Thing

Nino was there again. He was my classmate. There was a school fair. Arashi -- my classmates -- where going to perform as a front act to upper-class men SMAP and popular kids in school Big Bang.

But, I was ill. My digestive system was throwing a fit again, as it always does. The classrooms have their own toilets. That was where the guys were changing their clothes. I had to use the toilet, and they let me. Problem was, they let me use it while they were changing. MatsuJun was actually surprised to see me doing my thing, but after looking at an indifferent Sho, he changed his clothes in front of me. He knew that I wasn't paying attention to him anyways, and that I was waiting for Nino.

After getting out of the toilet, the girls in the class were already making message boards for Arashi's performace in the school fair. They made me write something on it. I remember writing a long message for Nino with a silver pen. They were teasing me about my very obvious crush on Nino.

However, I missed the performance because of my illness. When I came out again, MatsuJun and Sho were gone and Nino was back in his school uniform and SMAP was performing while Big Bang was preparing.

My illness got worst. My stomach pain grew. The girls in the class were already getting worried. Leanne329 suggested that they bring me to the hospital. But the other girls couldn't carry me.

Nino volunteered to help me get to the hospital. I was so excited despite the pain. The thought of being in his arms filled my mind and is only disrupted by the sporadic bouts of cramps.

He went to the school's administration office to get permission to go out of the school grounds and bring me to the hospital. The other girls were there, too, as well as the teacher. When he came back, I couldn't take it any longer so I ran to the nearest toilet.

But, the toilet was so filthy. Each bowl was filled with feces. In fact, even the floor was littered with feces. So I stood above one bowl and let go there. At the same time, I started vomiting pinkish stuff. Old ladies, probably faculty, came in and ignored my condition.

I woke up after the vomiting stopped.

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Feces usually means money. My feet touched some of it. Would that mean I'm going to have some money? The abundance of it, does that mean I have multiple means of getting it. But since I didn't touch it, does that mean I'm the one refusing it?

Or was my mind affected by my real digestive system?

Vomiting means letting go. What do I have to let go?

Why is Nino always in my dreams?

Candles and Old People

I couldn't remember much this time. I only remember the details.

As we watch darkness unfold from our window, we were trapped in one house with all these people I don't know. My mom was there, an old grouchy grandpa with a cane, an old loving couple, a girl friend, and a young man of about 15. It felt like that there were more coming, and that we weren't the only ones living in the house. In my memories, I seem to be married.

I have a mug, with a big fat candle inside it in real life -- it was there in my dream and it seems to be wearing out already. The candle has burned off the wax and all I can say was, "you have served us well."

We were running out of candles, and I was trying to make those we have at hand work for the night. The old loving couple borrowed one -- the woman was going to help her husband to the bathroom. I gave them the mug with the big fat burned off candle. It was easier to use than any of the others.

I was trying to make one thin candle stand inside a jar. But, as I tried, it snapped into tiny pieces held only by its wick. My mom was telling me to let it go. We'll get more candles in the morning. I told her, we need it now, as I tried to fix it up with a magic tape.

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Candle meaning? It seems like I'm sexually repressed, and that I have too much ideas and have too much activities going on and that I'm letting go of something important to me. It's breaking me apart.

Ah, yeah. Still the USA fears.

The old loving couple, is forgivness and wisdom that I shall be having when I grow older. Meaning? I don't need to hurry.

Oh the grumpy old man with a cane, he's one of my guardians (guardian angel or guardian spirit).

MOTEL -- Ohno (Part 2/2)

Usually, when I have a dream so beautiful -- or so sexy like the previous one -- I go back diving in, gambling on whether I could really continue the dream or not. Sometimes, I do. Most of the times, I end up in a continuation, usually with a huge time gap.

And because It took me quite some time to finish part one, my memory has already degraded and had forgotten how the dream started as well.

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Duds and Pax came to the house. It was raining outside. They were with Ohno. Ohno was tired so I let him sleep in the bedroom immediately.

I heard Duds and Pax laughing and giggling while doing it in the bedroom, I was crying my eyes right outside. Even in my dreams, I was depressed. I was depressed because I couldn't be with Nino, and I was missing him terribly. I knew he was at work, I knew I shouldn't be this depressed. But, I couldn't control the emotions, especially when I can hear someone happy, and I couldn't.

Duds barged out of the bedroom. I jerked up and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth, trying to hide my swollen eyes and my wet face. Duds brushed her hair right beside me, intentionally not mentioning that she can see how swollen I was. With every brush of her hair, I took out hair from my mouth, as if I was choking on hair ball. When she finished, and as I was removing the last hairs in my throat, she faced me and told me -- "you can have all my hair. "

I stared at her and thought for a moment what that meant. Our stares were cut short by a text I received, someone told me Nino's on MTV as of this moment. I ran out and grabbed the remote control from Pax and turned to MTV, but the show has ended. It was Ryusei no Kizuna's Ariake trio in Florida beach for a promotion, and all I got to see was the ending credits and glimpses of Nino between Nishikido Ryo and Toda Erika.

Now, I'm angrier than depressed. Angry at Duds. Angry at Pax for not turning to MTV quickly. Angry at Nino for not being there.

I turned around and I see the bedroom door still ajar. So, I thought of taking a bath to cool off. I was grabbing my green towel when I saw Ohno and remembered I had made him sleep there. I apologized to him, more so if I had woken him up rather than putting him in the same bedroom as the couple.

I apologized bowing down. That's when I noticed a baby staring at me with big round eyes -- lying down on the floor, behind the bedroom door, right beside Pax's big blue bag.

I smiled and got excited. I tried to pick up the baby, but as he rolled over and over trying to crawl, I couldn't control my laughter.

Ohno, then, asked me "Is he Nino's?" I smiled. I nodded. I picked up the baby who took all my depression away.

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Obviously, this was a continuation but it's like at least 1 year after the last dream, as the baby is just starting to crawl.

I felt better after waking up this time. The baby really did made me feel better. Babies usually mean significant change in lifestyle. Probably, this was brought about the conversations about immigrations last night at dinner. Mind you, my dream-universe baby with Nino -- uber cute!

Distinct things:

Other than the baby, that hairball was interesting. I need to find out what that means. I was also distinctly taller than Duds, which I noticed as we were facing the mirror. And that brushing of teeth and hair.

The brush Duds was using, yellow and huge. The bed covers Ohno wrapped himself with was a red flannel one. Pax's blue bag from college. My green towel again (but then, IRL, all my towels are green but one).

And that crying. It was really emotionally draining.

MOTEL -- Nino (Part 1/2)

Anything before Nino I had already forgotten. You'd know why...
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I was waiting at a motel. Not the Philippine-kind, but more like the ones we see in Supernatural. In my mind, I was waiting for Duds. But I also knew Nino was coming.

Bored of waiting alone, I decided to take a shower. As I turned the knob of the shower, a few sprinkles hit my head, I heard him singing outside the motel. The microsecond that it took made me turn off the shower. Wrapped in a towel, I quietly opened the bathroom door and peeked out through the window beside the door.

Nino was there, in a white polo shirt, eating a hot dog sandwich on top of a park table, his on the bench meant for the table. He was wearing a white polo shirt. I watched him finish his hot dog sandwhich. He was mumbling his song through out. All through out this, I felt I was so in love with this guy.

After he swallowed the last bite, he made his way to my motel's door. I rushed back to hide in the bathroom. I heard him call out my name. I answered, "I'm sorry, I'm still not done taking a bath." Truth was, I haven't even started. I opened the bathroom door a little, to take a peek at what he was doing and show him my wet head.

He was taking off his shirt, and as soon as he saw the door open, he forced his way in. Under the shower -- as zuruikoi of LJ infamously puts it -- he stuck it in.
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I woke up with a pain in my lower abdomen. The kind of pain you get when you didn't finish doing the deed or got cut off before you came. That kind of pissed me off. My cellphone's alarm woke me up.

I could not remember which song Nino was mumbling through his hot dog sandwich. But, that I assume was caused by the MP3 player I left playing on a loop -- Arashi solo songs folder. A similar thing happened in part 2.

Distinct things: Nino's white polo, my green towel (that also makes an appearance in part 2), the bathroom door and it's lock (it's aluminum with a simple lock -- like those you see in cheap Philippine public toilet) and that hot dog sandwhich. The bathroom was really big. It felt like I was in a hentai movie, where the bathroom was supposed to be small but it grows as you zoom out.

There's notthing much to explain in this part. It is so Freudian, it's so obvious.

Should I mention, in my dream memory, we're supposedly married?

My Nino dream has escalated once again.

Spitting Out False Tooth

Today, this is the only distinct part I remember.

I woke up on my bed, and coughed out some phlegm and a speck of blood. When I looked up, Myna and Adrian M. was sitting beside my bed with pale surprised faces. They both told me, I just spit out a tooth and it flew over away from us. I felt my gums, and true enough one of my teeth is missing.

It seemed like I went to other places and did some other things before remembering about my tooth lying somewhere out there.

So when I came back to that place where my tooth was supposed to be, I looked for it. I found it, it had a crown of sorts at it's base. A crown that was supposed to be holding on to my gums.

So it wasn't my real tooth. It's a fake tooth to begin with. I can still have it put back.

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Old people said that falling tooth/teeth means either the death of a loved one or the receipt of great fortune. Or probably both.

Psychology indicates that falling tooth/teeth means the loss of control, power or confidence.

What could it be?

Nino, My Sweet Detective Lover

Nino and I were in some kind of detective unit. But we were also lovers.

There was a death in a condominium pool. Tania was there, she had invited me to go swim with her. But, by the time I arrived, the dead body was being fished out, and the investigation has been concluded. They didn't even rope out the area to keep people from messing with the evidence. In fact, I went right into that pool, it was cold, but I wasn't a least bit icked out. As waded through the cold water of the big pool where the dead body was to the small hot tub where Tania was, she asked me, "aren't you worried? The dead body was just there a few minutes ago."

I jumped to her side, but she got off the hot tub and went to the shower. As I was just there to talk to Tania, I left the hot tub, and took a shower next to Tania's cubicle. We talked mostly and she asked about my boyfriend.

When I came back to our apartment, I reported my findings and submitted a bundle of pictures, Nino was there. He grabbed the pictures I was holding. I took a peek as Nino went through the bundle, I recognized the guy in the pictures. It was Uno. I didn't know what it was for, or why we needed that much picture of Uno. But, there was only feeling of indifference.

We went to class, still discussing the bundle of pictures. The topic changed as soon as Uno sat beside Nino. Apparently, he's in the same class, and while the chairs were arranged in an oblong, I sat a seat away from Nino, and Nino sat beside Uno. I said something brilliant to which Nino responded with so much appreciation and pride. He pulled me and him to kiss me, and I was so happy.

He was pulling me to him to sit on his lap, and I wanted to. I wanted to sit on his lap, and I wanted to put my arms around his neck and rest my forehead on his forehead and plant some small kisses on his lips and cheeks. I wanted his arms around my waist, slowly rocking me with his every movement. I wanted my head on his shoulder, feeling the faint heat of his neck, smelling that faint traces of his cologne, as he energetically talked to the people around him. But, I pulled away.

And we struggled. When the professor came in, I lost the struggle in surprise or panic, but he immediately sat me in his chair right beside him.

Which was next to Uno, who was watching us. But, again, I only felt indifference. I only saw Nino.

The teacher told me to go back to my seat. I slapped Nino's shoulder playfully and blamed him for my being reprimanded. The teacher writes some things on the board and sits beside me. The teacher was between me and Nino. When we saw the movie we were going to watch for the class, Nino just got up and left. He said, he saw it already and has no need to see it again.

After apologizing to the professor, I left to chase after him. But, I didn't know where to go, and I couldn't see him anymore. Panic rose in me.

I saw Miao in a classroom with transparent glass walls at the fourth floor, while I was walking the halls of the second floor. I called out to him and asked him to call Carlo. He did, and he told me to meet them at Sxxxxx, because that's where they told Nino to meet him and Duds.

So, I went to them, at the second floor of Sxxxxx, Carlo was talking to Nino and that he went to No. 2 instead. Carlo was arguing with Nino on the phone. Duds was explaining to me, Nino went to the wrong place. Miscommunication, the couple just came from No. 2. She told me to wait, but I couldn't.

So I ran, chose to use the forbidden shortcut to go where Nino was. The collapsed stairs, collapsed even more, I guess, that's why it was forbidden to use that route. As I got down the crumbling concrete stairs, my shoes flew off, but that didn't stop me. I pulled out my shoes from underneath the concrete and put it back on. I ran. Ran with all my energy to No. 2. And amidst the crowd, I searched for him, but I couldn't find him.

I left the building, and started walking along Silangan Rd. I thought, that I'd have better chances seeing him in the apartment, it was getting dark already. While walking, I took out my phone and dialed his number. But, I still get disconnected. The mobile phone seems to be broken.

I pass by Sxxxxx again, where Karla and John, with their red-streaked hair, were standing by the building's first floor. Second floor was closed off by a red gate, as red as their hair-streaks. The only floor now open was the basement where the food court was.

Karla and John teased me, about how sweet it was of my boyfriend to take on the punishment all on his own for something we both did wrong -- going through the forbidden short-cut. Karla, winked at me and tilted her head towards the stairs to the basement food court.

Even on top of the stairs, I saw him. He was mopping the floor in between responding to other guys in the food court. I could feel the warm tears fall down my cheeks. I couldn't help myself. I ran to him and jump to hug him.

After a few seconds -- that felt like minutes -- in that tight warm embrace, he turned around and wrapped my arms around him. Placed even my right hand on his left breast, which I clenched the way he likes it. He mopped the floor around the food court with me attached to him like that. That was my punishment. He pointed out his senpai, Sakumoto of V6 was eating together with a group of older guys, as if telling me that he will be teased by the his co-members.

I wanted to buy him a snack, but part of me wanted to cook him dinner. I couldn't decide. I asked the food lady, Nida Blanca, what should I do?

But then, I woke up.

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SUBCONSCIOUS

It's been a long time since I had a dream about Nino. But, everytime, it's just as sweet. Which is contrary to my fantasies, where he's the Do-S perverted little him that he might just be.

The setting, is, once again UPLB. Our apartment was near White House. This is a manifestation of my regret. It only means, I need to go back to writing. I was planning on writing last Friday and last night. But I ended up staning updates on the Japan earthquake situation.

This is an alternate universe elbi. Where there are buildings with glass walls, the floors were uneven, it was constructed like huge stairs, wherein the second floor was wider than the third, and the third wider than the fourth. There's meaning to the transparency. I'm still trying to figure this out.

Sxxxxx building, is like a mall inside the campus, and No. 2 is its twin building. I couldn't remember the name of the building, I only remember it starting with the letter "S". Like the building mentioned, this does not exist in the real UPLB. "No. 2" is the title of a missing LJ icon I made years ago. I was looking through my LJ archives and cleaning it up a little and that's why it came up.

Death to me is usually a huge change. The start of a new life. That's just a projection of my near immigration move.

Should I even make sense of all of this? Do I have to interpret it, like the others.

My A.D.D. Makes me Forget

The last thing I remember from my dream is struggling in the essay part of an exam. Usually, I have so many flowery words and padded paragraphs for essays. I can say I'm really good at writing essays or subjective parts of an exam. Enumarating and remembering things, that's what fails me.

The moment I opened my eyes, I've forgotten the questions -- there were three for the essay part. Actually, there were four and I remember dividing up my yellow paper unevenly because I thought there were only 3 questions.

I thought, when I wake up, I'll blog immediately about it. But unfortunately, I got distracted by the news that Arashi's Mannequin 5 is now open for online voting. For over 30 minutes, I forgot, I was supposed to write about my dream here.

FML

Mangoes in UPLB

Enrollement, going to class, skipping class, missing class ... it came again. As usual, UPLB is the setting.

Arashi was there, too. And a twit-chat with J frm Arashi fandom. But we weren't flooding Twitter about Arashi, it was actually about the Philippine political dilemma in my dream world. I could not remember the actual issue.

I should be more diligent about this dream logs. I'm starting to forget what they were because I opened my plurk the moment my laptop opened.

There were mangoes, too.

Oscar Dress

Yesterday, I dreamed of Uno trying to be nice to me again. Though that in itself is not uncommon, it has been a while since that happened. For the past year, it's always Arashi doing a lot of things for me & with me -- & to me -- that recurs more frequently.

The last sequence in my dream last night was of me choosing the dress for my Oscar debut. Actually, it's a really beautiful electric-blue sweet-heart-tube empire dress. It's something I can't go wrong with. But it's not the traditional Mestiza dress that my mom and I have agreed to have when the time comes.

I'm a little distraught as I can't see the meaning behind it. Have my mind really believe that Oscar is on my way? Have my fantasies melted with my Id? Or does this mean something.

*I'll draw the dress as much as i can & post it for future ref*

Nth Levels of Inception & Uncle Manny

I stopped blogging about my dreams before because I lost access to a readily available internet when I left my 2nd job in 2006. Fastforward to 2008, when I got internet at home, I've lost all motivations to write. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and watch Arashi all day -- and night.

But writers will always be writers. So when I decided to re-open my blogs, ++*Faeries and Demons*++ were one of them I had to visit.

So what has happened to me in my dream world so far?
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Recurring dreams of being back in school, flunking courses and failing to enroll in time. Old news, really. This will continue to recur until I finish my thesis conversion to short movies.

When I moved to my own solo-apartment, i started to experience being trapped in a dream. A loop, if you may say. Inception-like. But, this was in late 2006, in my apartment we fondly called Krown Karaoke. This is why I'm not an Inception fan. I'm a Nolan fan, I'm a JGL fan, I'm even a Leonardo de Caprio fan. But experiencing being trapped in a dream, isn't as cool as Inception makes it look like. It's actually scary.

Those kind of dreams stopped when I moved apartment units. Expenses were getting harsh as years go by, and sharing apartment was the next best thing. So I moved for that purpose.

It's been almost a year since I've moved. I thought, I've ridden myself of this Nth levels of dream within a dream. Yesterday, it came back. And it was the scariest as of yet. I swear I was awake already, my eye wide open. I can clearly see the image of Arashi posted on my wall, the whiteboard next to it, the laundry right beside my bed. But I could not move my arms, my feet or my body. The moment, I do, I realize, I'm still dreaming.

Usually, I move my pinky finger to wake me up. Usually, that alone works. But, this time, it wouldn't work. It took so much energy, but I tried moving my head. I thought I was going to break it. Two snaps, after two snaps, I knew I was truly awake. I stood up, tried to catch my breath as I was hyperventilating.

As always, there was a person there again. He or she was holding me down. What is this thing that keeps doing this to me.

I didn't want to go back to sleep after that. But by 3am, I had to go back to sleep in preparation for the day after. The thing did not come again. But, I did encounter my late Uncle Manny. Letting me out of a house asking me to run away. Eventually, the people from the house got out, too. I don't know who they were. But, with Unlce Manny's prodding, I joined them in their car to escape the town. I don't remember what I was running away from anymore or where I was.

I do remember, my Uncle Manny telling me to go away quickly.

The Geisha Running Amok

My dreams have been fading a little too fast lately. It's not like before, when I wake up I could hold it in my mind until the end of the day when I can write about it freely. I've had a couple of interesting and disturbing dreams recently, I know it's important and had to be written down. But if faded as soon as I notice my clock had struck 10.

So I'm writing this now before it all fades away.
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I remember house hunting again, with a friend. I don't know her in reality, however she looked a little like Che Ramos, with short curly hair.


EDIT: I started writing this particular blog entry in 2006. Now that it's been almost 5 years, I just found out that I left this one hanging as a draft. I don't remember the dream anymore or what it means, but I'll still publish just to serve as a lesson to myself.