He was rushing me to put on my shoes, though he was just wearing a simple black thong slippers -- the likes you wear just around the house. I hurriedly put on my red suede slip-on flat loafers while he was closing the door and giggling over the panic that he has caused in me. I kept on telling him, I didn't have the house keys on me, twice. But, I guess he wasn't listening, because he locked the door, anyways. When the door was closed and secured, when I was done putting on my shoes, I asked him, "Do you have the key?" He looked at me as if he was expecting I had it. A moment of silence. Then he said, "Daijoubu, daijoubu" and then pulled me away from the house in a hurry once again. He said, we'll ask Kervs to take us in. And I just responded, "Kervs? Why Kervs?"
We walked a couple of blocks talking about random things, laughing at the most inane stuff, mostly flirting -- like a couple of high school lovers. He was holding my hands all throughout, not letting me go.
When we came across a community park, we cautiously entered. There were a couple of men there. With his hands still clutching mine, he approached the smaller of the men, and said, "Sumimasen."
An old bum faced us and started screaming at us. Nino pushed me back, his grip of my hand tightened. We were both scared by this, but he remained poised. As we back off, we almost bumped into the taller man smoking a cigarette. Nino and I both shrieked in surpise and the man just looked at us with irritation.
Recognition enveloped me slowly. I realized, the taller man was my brother, Christian. Without any other reaction, trying to be as polite as I always am in real life, I introduced Nino to Christian as my boyfriend. Joseph, my other brother came running and asked Christian what the screaming was about. Christian just pointed me to him. So I said hi and introduced Nino to Joseph, too. In my dream-life memories, I introduced him as Nino because it was easier to remember for Filipinos and it's it's better they know him by that name than his given one.
We left my brothers and we walked aimlessly in the middle of the night.
After walking a few more blocks, and talking about my Care Bears birthday cake when I was younger, we found ourselves in Kerv's house. He took us in, and let us sleep on the floor. When I woke up, Nino was gone.
Angry, depressed, insecure and almost crying -- I composed a text message for him. In the end, what I sent was -- "I wanna sleep beside you. Where are you? I wanna go to you."
Kervin wasn't there. But, Pao J. was, and a few other people I didn't even try to notice. Pao was telling me how he plans to deliver that huge Tenderheart Bear plushie to my address. I wasn't listening, I was looking through the window waiting for Nino to respond to my text message.
A van stopped in front of the house, a young boy stepped out followed by a few other people, and then Nino.
The youngest boy found his way upstairs and started talking to me. I was politely chatting with him. I wasn't sure if he was Nino's nephew or little brother. Then Nino sat down behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist.
I was mad. I asked him, "why did you leave me without telling me where you were going?" But, I didn't let him answer. "I don't want that to happen again. I can't take that. I've been left by people while I was sleeping. They never came back. My dad did the same thing, my ex did the same thing ..."
He interrupted me and said, "But, I'm here. I came back." And his family was waiting downstairs.
Then I woke up.
__________________________________________________________________
I do not own a red suede slip-on loafer shoes. I never had a Care Bears cake for a birthday. None of my ex left me while I was sleeping. Only my biological father did. I guess, I was more affected by that than I claim to be not. EDIT: Nino does not have a younger brother. I'm not sure if he has a nephew already.
Yesterday, I had just declared that Sho is back to being my ichiban to replace Nino who is very much in love with Sasaki Nozommi right now (if rumors are true). But I guess, I can never fool myself.
On to the analysis.
I am currently not speaking terms with my brothers. Up until I woke up, I didn't know what Nino said he was going to show me. Only in my waking life did I realize it was my brothers he wanted to show to me. Should I see them one last time? My pride would not let me. They are the ones who don't contact me, then it is up to them to find me. Besides, I'm not the one who has issues with them. enough with the TMI.
Shoes indicate approach in life. So how do i approach it? RED, with lots of passion and intensity. SUEDE, soft exterior, tough construction (people who know me, know this well of me). SLIP-ON FLAT LOAFERS, easy to put on, comfortable, flexible, can be used in the in casual, office or dinner settings. So why is my Id reminding me who I am? connect my sibling situation with my personality. In the end, I'm as filial as any other true blue Filipino girl.
Birthday cakes -- though it wasn't physically there and was just talked about -- mean dreams, ambitions in fruition and openness to let others in your life. In MY life.
The Care Bear Pao J. is trying to send to me is my insecurity about moving away from my comfort zone. It's like my Id is reassuring me that even from across the pond, my friends will be there.
I think my Id has started to use Nino as a representation of itself. Everything else seems to be self explanatory.
EDIT: friend Chelli corrected me and said the shoes i dreamed of wasn't loafers but ballet flats (like that pictured on the right). However, if you look at it, it doesn't really change anything much. The meaning is the same as a loafers. Unless you can tell me something new about Ballet Flats that I don't know about. 
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