Red Prom Dress and Faux Fur

I don't want to go to details today.

What stood out for me in today's set of dreams are two things. Another red ceremonial dress and another faux fur.

Prom night this time. I didn't want to attend, but seeing as the whole prom was skipped by so many, I went after all. But, I did not dress up.

A classmate was wearing a gorgeous red dress, which she mentions was supposed to be mine had I decided to go in the first place.

When they were trying to take a picture of all of those who went, they grabbed me and wrapped me with fur. They said, at least, I won't look out of place with just red shirt and shorts surrounded by formally dressed people.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

so really, what does this mean?

it's the same thing all over again.

Prom -- endings for new beginnings,

Red dress -- passion.

Fur -- wealth. But since it's faux fur, what does that mean?

Related articles

• Bridesmaid Dress (highpriestessdek.blogspot.com)

Nino Again

This is fast becoming a Nino Dream Blog.

But It's not.

BUT THIS IS A NINO DREAM ENTRY.

-oOo-

I am locked in my dark room, curled up in a ball on my bed, watching a TV show. Haven't taken a bath, haven't even brushed my teeth. Haven't even washed my face .

The door cracks open, a small amount of light comes in. I hear footsteps approach me, but I don't even raise my head to look at who came in.

Then I feel his hair fall on my cheeks as he planted a kiss on my temple. I hear his bag drop with a thud. His head moves to my neck, I feel his warm breath on it. He doesn't kiss. He just stays bent over his nose and mouth on my neck.

After a few seconds, he pushes my body to give him space on the bed. He lies down and spoons me, his right arm wraps around my waist and clutches me tighter to him. With his left hand, he turns my face to him and he kisses me on my mouth, strong and hard. I feel his tongue. I feel him sucking me.

I face him and and push him down the bed, pull his shirt over his head. I plant small kisses on his tiny frame. In my head, I think, only I can see that the one-pack is fake.

He pulls me up to him in an effort to kiss me again. But, then, I remember that I haven't brushed my teeth and I got embarrassed. I apologize to him and say I'll brush my teeth first. And he says in Japanese, "Nevermind that. I'm hard already."

In half obedience, I go down again, try to take off his pants. Halfway of pulling down his pants, he let out a sigh. He is no longer in the mood. And he says in English, "Why did you even have to bring that up."

I lick his nipple to turn him on again, but he pushes me away and says it won't work. He asks me, "Why do you have to be like this? Why can't you give me all of you?"

I start crying. I stroke his legs, feeling his leg hair, begging him to give me time to adjust. "I'm trying. It's been so long since I was in a relationship, and they were all failures. I don't know how to do this, but I'm trying. I swear."

He doesn't respond for awhile. He just lays there, with his pants half down, his boxers showing.

I let him go. And curl up at the foot of the bed, crying.

"I just need you to give yourself to me," was the last I heard.

________________________________________________

I woke up with that line ringing in my head. Despite the fact that I was crying really hard in my dream, I was a happy happy camper when I woke up.

And who wouldn't be?

Should I even analyze this dream? In the end, it'll just come out as a reflection on my fear of moving.

Related articles

• Nino, My Sweet Detective Lover (highpriestessdek.blogspot.com)
• Nino's Goodbye Girl (highpriestessdek.blogspot.com)
• Nino and his Butai (highpriestessdek.blogspot.com)
• Boarding House (highpriestessdek.blogspot.com)
• MOTEL -- Nino (Part 1/2) (highpriestessdek.blogspot.com)

Bridesmaid Dress

I was having a red bridesmaid dress made. Doodles was getting married. To Paco. But, Paco was also my lover on the side. Weh?

The dress was satin red with chiffon pleats on the upper torso. Baby doll cut, spaghetti straps, and it only goes down to above my knees. It also comes with a faux fur shawl.

I didn't see Doodles in the dream. The dream comprised mostly of searching for the dressmaker, the shop closing and Paco and I talking about the break up or something.

________________________________________

Being a bridesmaid means either of two things. There's a looming romance or I'm looking for one. For the past 3 years, after my last real relationship, I have been only committed to Arashi. Suffice it to say, my heart or mind does not long for one.

Fur = wealth. Would I have an easier life coming to me? I already have a relatively easy life here.

There was a moment when I felt we were getting lost. I guess, this move is really getting to me. Am I losing sight of where I'm going?

Weddings are new beginnings. Or death. But since I didn't see the actual ceremony in my dream, I'm going for new beginnings. Which is apt right? Right now, I'm packing things up to bring to my temporary home before I fly out.

This move, is really really really affecting my psyche.

A Pulp Fiction of Dreams

I can only remember a few. Most of them, my waking memories were intact -- but. slightly affected. The setting were mostly in Las Pinas, where I grew up, specifically my Aunt's home town.

_______________________________________________

1.) Snake Bite and the end of the world

End of the world is nigh. We're just waiting for our end, hoping that we'll survive it, if not die in our sleep. We were told, our will be different for each person or couple.

Mine was snake bite on the back of my hand. I saw a guy -- supposedly my lover or husband -- got bitten by a snake. When i tried to touch him, a piercing pain clamped on my hands. I threw away the snake, it was big actually.

Together, hand-in-hand, we walked out of the safe house and into the street, looking at kids in the school, reminiscing our childhood and how we climbed up the mango tree, welcoming our death.

-oOo-

Simplified -- end of the world symbolizes my stress and my helplessness -- and, yet, I don't know how to ask for help. It's all this moving thing. (And probably missing the chance to get a Waku-Waku Arashi school sticker D:)

Being bitten by a snake is no different. It's still the worries and stress. It could also mean, someone's out to stab me in the back. But, right now, I don't care about that -- 'coz I'm leaving, and stabbing me in the back will not amount to anything.

_______________________________________________

2. Shooting with Clint Eastwood was over before I've even absorbed it. He told me to go take a shower, and afterwards I can leave.

But everytime I try to take a shower, one or more of the male staff comes in the bathroom, or stands by the window to watch me. I already had no top on, and was just covering myself with the shirt I took off.

I could not understand why they wouldn't let me have my momentary privacy in the shower.

-oOo-

My new role has been set for me, but I do not know how it'll go.

The shower was meant to be a renewal, but, I couldn't go on with this renewal because I'm bothered by the people -- probably the people I'm leaving behind.

_______________________________________________

By the time I'm writing this part, I've already forgotten the rest. I should never open any other browser tabs when I'm writing dreams. I'm so incorrigible.

A Fight in the School

The setting is school. High school -- once again, to be exact. Probably caused by reading up reports of Waku-Waku Arashi School, but, it could also mean something else entirely.

While most of the earlier parts of the dream have already started degrading from my memory as I type this, the last part was the funniest and most entertaining anyways.

-oOo-

It was raining hard. School was in progress.

Shun Oguri, a classmate, was teasing me with a few other guys. Then, a little boy from the Taekwondo club suddenly started sexist jokes that infuriated me. I was just slightly higher, but he had a heavier built. I dared him to take it on out, mano y mano.

So we went out in the rain, in the quadrangle, and started fighting. In my head, I had no chance of winning. I was nervous, but I had to do it because I called him out.

Everytime he tried to give me a flying kick, I would catch his legs and swing him around and threw him in the pond. It happened three times. The crowd was cheering under the rain. Shun was laughing at his tiny corner.

Then the fight was broken up by Nakai Masahiro, student council president. He pulled me to the faculty office. Goro Inagaki, student council secretary, was walking behind him shoo-ing the students and telling them to go back to their classrooms.

I asked Nakai, "Am I going to be suspended?" to which he responded, "What do you think?"

The teachers in the faculty office was not concerned with what was happening. We went past them and they just continued doing what they were doing. Nakai told Goro to go call MatsuJun. Matsumoto Jun, student council sergeant of arms, who should have been the one breaking up the fight.

When he came, he was with Ninomiya Kazunari, student council treasurer. They were followed by the school directress who said that the students were rooting for me because most of them were from Arashi faction, to which the treasurer and the sergeant of arms giggled to.

I was trying to cover my face with my hair in shame. I have never been suspended from school before. When I looked at MatsuJun, he gave me an approving smile and nod. It was like, he guarantees no suspension will happen.

While Nakai was droning off in the background about school rules and regulations, Goro was asking me about the fight and how I won it. He was super excited and every sentence, though not outrightly, meant that he's also on my side.

______________________________________________________

I'm assuming I didn't get the suspension.

I don't want to get the meaning of this one because, it's mostly full of lolz.

Before it lead to this dream, I was making out with some guy, I can't remember who it was. At first I thought it was Nino, but i can't be because he wouldn't have appeared as two different characters in my dream.

I wonder who it was I was making out. It felt so real. And he was so thin.

High School [Part 2]

It took me a little time to write the first part, and so details for this has already degraded in my head.

-oOo-

Like I've always been, I was loitering around the campus when the fire alarm started to ring. This time, it was for real. I still saw no smoke or fire. But, the feeling of the atmosphere seemed to be heavy. But the ring was faint and the classes seemed to have not heard it.

I ran up the stairs to help with the evacuation of the students. In each classroom, I told the teachers that the drill is on and that they have to move out. One male teacher tried to ignore me and went on with his lessons, but I asserted the urgency of this alarm and that it is not a drill. Another teacher told him to listen and just go. He gathered up his students and flocked them out of the building.

I joined them outside as we looked up at the still and quiet building. The chatters of the student and the faint ringing of the bell envelopes our surrounding. But, the building stayed still.

The male teacher kept on telling people that I must have triggered the alarm to skip classes. I ignored him, as my curiosity took possession of me.

I slowly walked upstairs, leaving the noise behind. A few more students hurried out. I followed the hallway, checking the empty classrooms for students that might have been stubborn enough not to leave.

A couple of teachers did the same, but did not tell me off. In fact, they only checked the classrooms I've checked and let me lead the way.

At the last classroom of hall, at turn of the corner, I saw a pair of legs on the floor -- khaki pants, dark brown shoes. A pair of a man's legs. I approached it and saw that the man was dead. I saw no blood or cut, but I knew he was brutally murdered.

In the classroom next to it, a pair of women lay dead. No blood, no cut. Pale as if blood had been drained.

I continued on to follow the hallway in its next turn. I saw three women, two of them lying down. The one standing told me that they're alive, but injured. I looked at the women lying down. One was pale and scared. The other, had a towel over half of her face. She gave me a glare before turning around. As she turned around, the towel covering her face moved, and, I saw that that half of her face was flayed.

I ran and told the teachers about the dead bodies. Then, I blacked-out.

When I came to, I was in the room across the classroom where the dead man's body was found. I took the blue towel on the wall and hurried out. I guess, in my hurry, a thread was caught by the door and unraveled. I was so scared to go back and let the thread loose, thus, I try to cut it from the towel itself.

Then, I heard scuffling from down the stairs. I over-heard one of the faculty saying, "She's awake, hurry hide." with excited voices. I look over the balcony and see part of a banner that has my name and the beginning of the word "Congratulations"

I stood still. I didn't know what was more dreadful. This surprise party, or the thought of staying in a place where I discovered dead bodies.

________________________________________________

Death has always meant change for me. But I could never understand what corpses mean to me.

Generally, a corpse mean that something within the dreamer has died. Usually, an ambition or drive. I don't think my ambitiono or drive has died. But, I do feel, I'm at a standstill.

It may also mean that the dreamer is not expressing him or herself. In which case, I don't run out of things to express.

So what does this mean? Dreaming of corpses recurs to me frequently. I need to know.

A blue thread is something new to me. Obviously, it's a path or an option I can take at this stand still. Am I trying to run away from a path that I'm supposed to be in?

The injured woman definitely means something. Why the face. Why only half of the face. Why was she flayed. What does being skinned mean? Why was she glaring at me?

I need help in this dream.

High School [Part 1]

I slept at around 4am. (+8GST). But at 7am, I woke up from a dream, not exactly a nightmare, however disturbing. Since it was too early for me, I slept a bit more trying to memorize the key symbols for that dream. I should have expected to get a second dream, equally as vivid and more disturbing. I could not remember how both dreams started. But, I can remember the smallest detail, including -- but not limited to -- the feelings inside the dream.

Today's dream is in divided into two entries.

As I'm writing this entry, I realized that both dreams have FIRE DRILLS as passive symbol. In both dreams, it was the inciting event.

-oOo-

Fire alarms blasted through the hallway as I climbed the stairs. Feet scuffled on the planks of the hard wood floors. As I reached the top of the stairs, students were already lining up to get out of the building. The crowd was lead of J.Lee, a pretty Chinese Filipina classmate in Camella School. She was one of the movers and shakers of the popular group. I was the social butterfly who didn't want to be affiliated.

But there seems to be some animosity between us brought about by a subtle competitive relationship. We were both in the student council. Struggling over power. Who should lead, whose projects should be approved, who has more followers, etc.

She was trying to get down the stairs, and I was in her way. So I clutched my skirt (school uniform's blue plaid) and stepped aside to give way to the horde of female students lead by J.Lee.

I, at least, respected her calmness and ability to lead the pack through the drill. I was wondering about the sudden fire alarms. I smell no smoke. I feel no heat. However, I see the teachers in a slight panic to get the students out of the building and into safety.

I see an old adviser, J.Abratique directing students what to do. As I pass by her she tells me to secure the safe contents. I went straight to where my classroom should be. By the window of the hall, across my classroom, three medium sized safes stood unaffected.

As part of my student council responsibility, I had to secure the treasures inside the safes. I had the key in my skirt pocket. I opened the safes and started to take all the watches inside of it for safety.

J.Pineda (another classmate from Camella School) squat beside me and whispered something. But I could not hear him because of all the noise that surrounded us. In my frustration, I gave him the car keys, thinking that as soon as I secure all the safe's content with me, he'll drive meto a safer place.

We hear a car security system open, I look at J.Pineda and he looks back at me innocently. J.Abratique approached me and tells me to lock the car as they heard it open, too. I tell J.Pineda to lock the car. He shows me the key I turned over to him does not have a car security remote. Only the key and the ring remains.

Then, J.Pineda clutches on to the key and jumps our of the window. Leaving a stunned J.Abratique and infuriated me behind. The watches was never their target. It was the car.

______________________________________________________

FIREDRILL, in real life, is a practice to stay alert even in the middle of a routine. Something needs my attention.

Old classmates -- I'm not sure if it's some things in the past that needs my attention, or I just need to see my old classmates.

Former teacher -- seeking advice for my impending new life. Yeah, makes sense. (surprisingly, she's now the guidance counselor of my old shcool)

Emptying a SAFE of WRIST WATCHES boggles me. I think I'm trying to keep a lot of activities to my own when I should be delegating. I should listen to Id (still has no name).

Losing the car-KEY may mean I'm losing confidence in myself or I'm not seeing the point. Or maybe, I've let go of an opportunity that may been brought me to places.

I'm starting to forget the second dream, so I have to write it quickly. Moving on now.

Boarding House

When I woke up this morning, I planned to write this down immediately. But because I had to turn on my computer and brush my teeth and wash my face -- by the time I sat in front of the computer I've already forgotten I was supposed to write this.

So the details won't be as clear as the other dreams.

Boarding House. It's a big house, with numerous rooms -- a mansion converted into a coed boarding house. Each student (yes, student) have a room each. As I played the role of the Boarding house assistant, my room was right beside the TV / communal room.

So, who comes in as the newest student to live in this boarding house? Ninomiya Kazunari. (yes, this is another Nino dream. I rarely dream of anybody else.)

Nino is a student from Japan, but he's also Nino from Johnnys. He is also the son of Filipino, and hence, he can speak the language and he's here because he was sent here to study.

What's amazing in this dream is -- before I went to sleep, I made a promise that I'll never react the same way to Nino as I did to my past loves. That is, put the friendship first and let him go without asserting my feelings. I promsied myself that I'll put my heart out there for him to keep or let go.

But, in the dream, I reacted the same way. Keeping my feelings for Nino a secret. Keeping my obsession about Arashi a secret. Playing the jealousy game (I cannot remember who the guy in the dream was, he was another student-border living there). Getting rattled up whenever he asks me to do something for him.

And then, there was the matter of me denying signs that he likes me, too. Just like Uno. The only difference is, Nino wasn't subtle when showing his frustrations to me. He'd slam doors or totally ignore me because he's pissed.

Oh in the dream, I also sold "my" Gundam model kit and a Bushido figure. The money received was 160 Singaporean dollars and few change. Ian and Myna was also there in the dream. They seem to be the owners of the house.

_________________________________________________

Each and every symbol I could remember in this dream pertains to my attitude in love relationships. It's a warning, I tell you. NEVER EVER REPEAT THE UNO INCIDENT!

.

A Crazy Little Thing Called FIRST LOVE

Yesterday's hoohaa about "First Love (A Crazy Little Thing Called Love)," as broadcasted by ABS-CBN, caused a raw nerve and eventually in my dreaming state, my bestfriend Id (I should really give him a name) has challenged me to come up with something like it.

Of course there were still some symbolisms involved, but as a whole, this dream gave me a complete story, and so I'm going to forgo the analysis.

This dream was like watching a Filipino movie -- starring, Mario Mauerer as the real love interest, Shun Oguri as the guy in between, and Angel Locsin as the girl making her choices. So we shall call the characters by their actors' names.

Angel was just your ordinary, tomboyish high school girl -- a female clown in class, a valued member of the girl's basketball team after. But like any ordinary high school girl, she has insecurities that keeps her from telling the guy she is crushing on that she likes him.

And so she asked for help from her best friend -- Dimples Romana (don't ask, probably caused by her Lobo stint). Dimples set out a plan to get Mario's attention and to get him in the end.

But unlike all the other movies, her make-over was that of a duck to a swan. As Dimples had said it, Angel is already beautiful enough that's why she gets the attention. What she needed was personality make-over, so that Mario will see her as a lady and not the class clown.

Montage. Angel helps with the student council promotion of campus cleanliness and preservation of nature, her basketball games, and being a lady instead of being a clown (OMG -- by the time I'm writing this sentence, I've started to forget the details).

I can't remember what happened, that got Angel in trouble and she was punished to do community service -- helping clean up and guard a WWII underground ruins that was just discovered recently. By pure luck or by just coincidence, Mario was an archeology geek and volunteers in guarding the dig as it goes through some court proceedings.

This is where they become close and where things got complicated. Because they have become close, Angel could not break his trust and tell him she likes him (sounds familiar). To Angel, confessing her feelings is like severing the friendship she already built up with him.

Shun comes into the picture. Dimples devices another plan. In the guise of helping Angel be closer to Shun, she makes Mario jealous of that relationship -- forcing him to assert his own feelings and fight for Angel.

One of the plans were to give Shun a gift that Mario would appreciate more. Dimples sent one of her minions to do it (The actress seems to be one of my former college classmates -- We're not close and we haven't spoken in almost 10 years). Shun passes by the archeology site to give his thanks to Angel personally. A full set of One Piece (blame this on the rumors of Ninomiya Kazunari's gift to Sasaki Nozomi). Raw nerves were stricken. Mario was jealous. But he, too, was playing the I'm-not-going-to-break-this-friendship-just-coz-I-like-you-game.

After winning a basketball game, she caught Mario and Shun fighting. Distressed, she ran to the arch site as it has become her sanctuary. Both boys ran after her, but only Mario had clearance to pass the site. In a futon they've set up inside the site, Mario found Angel lying down. He lied down beside her. He wanted to put his arms around her, but decided not to. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, and tell him she loves him, be she just can't do it.

Then the heavy stone doors of the arch site closes -- the two are trapped. And that's when I woke up.

As a side story, the archeology site seems to be where a Japanese soldier left his treasure. A group of greedy people were trying to trick people into letting them into the site just so they could get that treasure.

___________________________________________________

No analysis. I just refuse to analyze this one to keep me from having a heavy headache.

Nino's Goodbye Girl

Nino and I were in front of the computer checking blogs, checking Plurk, checking Twitter, doing all the routines one now does with the computer -- only here, there were a lot of flirting involved. While reading a site, he suddenly pulled me out of the house telling me he just remembered he's supposed to show me something.

He was rushing me to put on my shoes, though he was just wearing a simple black thong slippers -- the likes you wear just around the house. I hurriedly put on my red suede slip-on flat loafers while he was closing the door and giggling over the panic that he has caused in me. I kept on telling him, I didn't have the house keys on me, twice. But, I guess he wasn't listening, because he locked the door, anyways. When the door was closed and secured, when I was done putting on my shoes, I asked him, "Do you have the key?" He looked at me as if he was expecting I had it. A moment of silence. Then he said, "Daijoubu, daijoubu" and then pulled me away from the house in a hurry once again. He said, we'll ask Kervs to take us in. And I just responded, "Kervs? Why Kervs?"

We walked a couple of blocks talking about random things, laughing at the most inane stuff, mostly flirting -- like a couple of high school lovers. He was holding my hands all throughout, not letting me go.

When we came across a community park, we cautiously entered. There were a couple of men there. With his hands still clutching mine, he approached the smaller of the men, and said, "Sumimasen."

An old bum faced us and started screaming at us. Nino pushed me back, his grip of my hand tightened. We were both scared by this, but he remained poised. As we back off, we almost bumped into the taller man smoking a cigarette. Nino and I both shrieked in surpise and the man just looked at us with irritation.

Recognition enveloped me slowly. I realized, the taller man was my brother, Christian. Without any other reaction, trying to be as polite as I always am in real life, I introduced Nino to Christian as my boyfriend. Joseph, my other brother came running and asked Christian what the screaming was about. Christian just pointed me to him. So I said hi and introduced Nino to Joseph, too. In my dream-life memories, I introduced him as Nino because it was easier to remember for Filipinos and it's it's better they know him by that name than his given one.

We left my brothers and we walked aimlessly in the middle of the night.

After walking a few more blocks, and talking about my Care Bears birthday cake when I was younger, we found ourselves in Kerv's house. He took us in, and let us sleep on the floor. When I woke up, Nino was gone.

Angry, depressed, insecure and almost crying -- I composed a text message for him. In the end, what I sent was -- "I wanna sleep beside you. Where are you? I wanna go to you."

Kervin wasn't there. But, Pao J. was, and a few other people I didn't even try to notice. Pao was telling me how he plans to deliver that huge Tenderheart Bear plushie to my address. I wasn't listening, I was looking through the window waiting for Nino to respond to my text message.

A van stopped in front of the house, a young boy stepped out followed by a few other people, and then Nino.

The youngest boy found his way upstairs and started talking to me. I was politely chatting with him. I wasn't sure if he was Nino's nephew or little brother. Then Nino sat down behind me, and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I was mad. I asked him, "why did you leave me without telling me where you were going?" But, I didn't let him answer. "I don't want that to happen again. I can't take that. I've been left by people while I was sleeping. They never came back. My dad did the same thing, my ex did the same thing ..."

He interrupted me and said, "But, I'm here. I came back." And his family was waiting downstairs.

Then I woke up.
__________________________________________________________________

I do not own a red suede slip-on loafer shoes. I never had a Care Bears cake for a birthday. None of my ex left me while I was sleeping. Only my biological father did. I guess, I was more affected by that than I claim to be not. EDIT: Nino does not have a younger brother. I'm not sure if he has a nephew already.

Yesterday, I had just declared that Sho is back to being my ichiban to replace Nino who is very much in love with Sasaki Nozommi right now (if rumors are true). But I guess, I can never fool myself.

On to the analysis.

I am currently not speaking terms with my brothers. Up until I woke up, I didn't know what Nino said he was going to show me. Only in my waking life did I realize it was my brothers he wanted to show to me. Should I see them one last time? My pride would not let me. They are the ones who don't contact me, then it is up to them to find me. Besides, I'm not the one who has issues with them. enough with the TMI.

Shoes indicate approach in life. So how do i approach it? RED, with lots of passion and intensity. SUEDE, soft exterior, tough construction (people who know me, know this well of me). SLIP-ON FLAT LOAFERS, easy to put on, comfortable, flexible, can be used in the in casual, office or dinner settings. So why is my Id reminding me who I am? connect my sibling situation with my personality. In the end, I'm as filial as any other true blue Filipino girl.

Birthday cakes -- though it wasn't physically there and was just talked about -- mean dreams, ambitions in fruition and openness to let others in your life. In MY life.

The Care Bear Pao J. is trying to send to me is my insecurity about moving away from my comfort zone. It's like my Id is reassuring me that even from across the pond, my friends will be there.

I think my Id has started to use Nino as a representation of itself. Everything else seems to be self explanatory.


EDIT: friend Chelli corrected me and said the shoes i dreamed of wasn't loafers but ballet flats (like that pictured on the right). However, if you look at it, it doesn't really change anything much. The meaning is the same as a loafers. Unless you can tell me something new about Ballet Flats that I don't know about.