Wedding Dress

I dreamed I was getting married. It was just a simple ceremony, and only a handful of people were there. Someone was doing my hair as I wondered how will I be able to pick up the cake for the reception and get to the ceremony in time.

What does this mean?

I hate to think of death. But it usually follows. I now carry this dreadful feeling of worry and fear.

Bet

For the first time in days, I wasn't dreaming about death. It was simply about money.

Raipo brought me to this gambling place, so much like a stadium for Cock Fight. We were there for a supposed sideline. We take bets, and in every bet, we get a percent. The lewd trick is to tell they lost and so the money is entirely yours. Not just a percent of the wins.

Being new to the industry, I coudln't keep up with the collection. A man in a blue uniform who regularly takes the bet, took the money from me and organized it before remitting to the office. There goes all my hard earned cheat money.

Someone else then took it. This guy is pretty cute. He's tall, dark and pretty handsome. I wouldn't normaly like him. However, in that particular dream, i was so attracted to him.

Apparently, the bets I took won a little more than 20k. He offered half to me and telling he's taking the other half, as he needs it and I had cheated anyhow, so I didn't really deserve it. I told my mom, I'll go give Raipo at least 20-30% of the winnings. My mom, hesitated but couldn't refuse, since it was my money.

The guy was in a hurry. He said he had to run to his 2nd job, in K-Mart or somewhere. All the more endeared me to him. He's hardworking and he's very driven.

I have not met this man before. He's so different from those I've been with. So simple and so unique.

Who are you?

Anger and Distress

Dexter Lira was angry, in a VA event. What more, Christmas party.

I kinda knew why, but I wasn't telling. He vented it out on us, just because we were associated to the cause. But he didn't just scream at us. We were on our way to buy some Christmas party things. A van kind of car, so much like Carlo Francisco's was the only one available and Dexter drove it.

The way he drove was full of pure hatred and bitterness. We tumbled inside like little toys in a box on its way to charity. If it wasn't so painful and so threatening, it would have been funny.

Gigi Angeles, finally screamed Dex's name in such a commanding manner in her own rage and fear, not just for herself but for everybody. Like a Queen and her rebellious pawn, Dexter stopped in Gigi's call. He got off the car and ran. Everybody looked at me, as if it was my fault. It wasn't. I didn't do this. But their eyes showed they expected me to clean it up. There were only two choices, I have to clean up or I lose them all. In my head, I wouldn't want to lose any of them. So I ran after Dex.

I tried to talk to him. My slippers were torn. I bought a replacement pair, as he continued to vent. We walked around. Around what seemed like the UPLB campus.

Then the last thing I saw was Dexter and I, walking towards the dark. Enveloped, then embraced then swallowed by the dark.

More Death

Once again, death was the theme of my dream.

It was a game, where one by one people fall down. I didn't want to join, but my mere presence in the Mansion means I am already a contender. Batman was there, but he wasn't Bruce Wayne-y enough ... he wore transparent plastic teeth brace brackets for crying out loud. And when I asked him to deliver me from this evil, he said no, I have to compete and survive.

The Mansion, wasn't really a mansion. I've been there before, in another dream, where I was back in my old school as I've already graduated college. It was the Tall Camella School, where there was a Catholic Chapel in the nth floor and above that a conical shaped attic where I had to ask a student to NOT jump.

And remembering this, I had thought I would be safe there. So I ran. Along the way, I passed by the people I was with when I arrived, one after the other. They were all lying down, on a blood of pool.

I distinctly remember Icheb. He was so red with blood and his head seemed like to ooze more. He was supposed to be dead, but I thought he wasn't because his lips were twitching. I wanted to help and bring him up. But it was either I was forbidden or I was thinking of self-preservation. I ran. I ran up. I got to the Chapel, but I can't remember if I ever got to the attic and out. I knew there was still someone else alive in the grounds and that was the reason why I was still being chased.

And it scared the shit out of me. I had to force myself to wake up.

Death, Carnage and Changes

For the past few nights I've been having dreams of dead bodies. Too many of them. It's disturbing, really, cause I haven't been seeing movies or TV shows with dead guys in it. I haven't seen a single CSI episode for the past week.

Three nights ago, this was what I dreamt of.

I was supposed to be a new big sister in a house full of children. But on what was supposed to be my first day, was my last. When I arrived, the house was torn, destroyed and leaky. Blood and water merged on the floor. A was was waging, and the house was in the middle of it.

I found some of the children, shivering in the cold and of fear. They were so few. More lay wet and cold on the creaky floor. Some wouldn't let go of their dearest despite the . Some lay asleep beside those who have entered eternal sleep. A carnage of children in what's supposed to be a sanctuary for them.

Two nights ago, this was what I dreamt of:

I was following a cat. A pure white cat, just like Mara from Cats Compound. And as I followed, this cat turned into a grey little one with almost invisible white streaks like Chibi from Ankers. It lead me to an alley I have never seen before. There a man lies unmoving. The cat pushes nudges it with its paws, scratching it with its nails. The dead lay still, as his blood seep to the cat's fur.

Last night, this was what I dreamt of:

I saw a child dragging a mutilated body of a man who seems to be her father. As I came nearer I saw the body was torned in half. It wasn't a clean cut. It was torned like paper. And the child had the most deadpan face I've ever seen. She just kept on walking. She didn't mind anybody or listen to anything. She just kept on walking, dragging her dad's body to wherever she was going.

---oOo---

I feel weird seeing this horific images in my dreams. Yet I cannot seem to tell if it's a message or just dreams. For the first time. I can't tell.

Deaths and Lovers

++*Please refer to Proven Translation*++

When I awoke the first time at 7 am, a had a very heavy feeling. Dreadful because of my dream.

I dreamt Ian died in a middle of an office ... just dropping dead. I wasn't there, I didn't see it myself. I was with Myna somewhere else. And someone called up Myna. And it was Myna who told me. He died with a heart failure. And in that dream, I was convincing my mind, I was just dreaming.

And well considering this vision ... it's either they will be getting married by the end of the year or early next year ... or Myna will be carrying a child soon. I hope both, if it's not really a problem healthwise. :D
_________________________________________________________________

Then I went back to sleep. This time, I dreamt I was making out with the gayest friend I have right now.

And he asked me ... You do understand that I'm gay, right? ... I said yes.

You do understand that this is just for tonight, right? ... I said yes.

You do understand there is no hope for me in liking you in the way you want, right? ... I said yes.

Then I kissed him. And more things ensued.

Weird ... he's not even my type ... even if he IS gay.

Commitments

Paolo and Gigi went to my office as everyone was prepping for a party. Gigi pulled me aside while Paolo was entertaining himself by watching the caterers set up.

Gigi posted a dreaded question ... I had to make a decision ... it was my job or VA.

I responded, that I just can't leave the means of my living. If VA can pay all of my debts, I'd choose VA anytime. And I actually didn't have anything to pay everymonth, I would have chosen VA on the spot.

But the mere question got me going. I was mad that they had to ask me the question at all. I never liked subjected to such choices. I remember the sorrority asking me to choose between them and my theatre company. I chose my theatre company because I see more future in the theatre company that with them. Besides, asking me to make such a commitment is a morbid pain conductor.

Good thing this thing with Paolo and Gigi only happened in my dream. And it was a real dream, something my mind makes up based on the day's whatever.

It wasn't a vision feed, nor a vision quest, nor an alternate reality. At least now I can differentiate. :D

2nd Chances

The rule was ... you may go back to the the time in which you want to re-live. But you will only relive the year and the feel --- at the age you are in, the fulfilments you've already acheive, the wisdom you've acquired along the years. In my sad mind, I took it on but not because I want to relive the time, but more to change it how I wanted it to be.

I chose to go back to my third year in High School.

I noticed that I had to look for a place near the school. A boarding house or a room for rent ... for my mom and me.

I enocuntered a few highschool classmates who were there for the same reason but different purpose ... people I never really liked as they bullied me just because I was weak when we were younger.

15 was the age I changed from the stone steps to the stone on the pedestal. I was always out of school to loitter in Diliman buildings; I was playing in one band and managing the other; I obsessed with Tekken and almost lived in SM Southmall; at night I'd be riding someone's car with the Eraserheads just to get in the hottest bistros and bars for free.

In my sad mind, it wasn't a thing to be grateful of.

Because of that --- the moment changed.

When I came across Bong, he was getting married to Jeni because she was already pregnant. We were 15, they weren't even supposed to hook up after the Karen months, after we were 16. They were supposed to marry at 21.

The bullies were slated for another year in High School. And then there was my mother who was having troubles letting me go with my father who was taking me with him for a better life.

Everything about me was a whole lot better. On the other hand, everyone else was suffering.

For everything I took, I had to pay for ... with someone else's blessing.

I want to be happy, but the guilt it carries made my sad mind sadder.

Doble Kara

I was talking to Ryan Agoncillo. We had just made up. For more than three years, we didn't talk. I didn't see him for more than 2 years already.

He seem to have forgiven me. The only thing was, I never did anything to catch his irk. Or at least, I don't remember anything I did to make him so mad at me.

But that's all in the past now. We're friends again. with a possibility to be even more.

When I woke up, I knew it wasn't Ryan Agoncillo I was dreaming about really. Only his face.

Limbs

A scary man was chasing us. Killing and Slashing.

He almost got me. When I turned, Vincent Kartheiser was there and he pushed me.

When I found him again. His arms were cut clean up to the shoulders and his legs up to the kness.

Vinnie saved me. And I never felt so much love for him and so much pity and so much guilt all at the same time as I had felt at that moment.

A Weird Day in the Mall

It was a weird day in the mall.

It was another New Worlds Convention day. This day was extremely (and somewhat ridiculously) successful. There were thousands of people there. The (and, again, somewhat ridiculously...) huge Market Market mall was filled with thousands of cosplayer. I saw exactly 5 parties of people completing the 9 ring wraiths. Not to mention a whole armada of Encantadia soldiers. No Darna in sight though.

I was assigned in the convention's filk section. There was this new marketing scheme, tie-up with the mall's shops to get what the Con needs. We, the filkers particularly, needed a Drum Kit. But as Pao J. was missing, we couldn't get the clearance to take the Drum Kit from the Musical shop the Con tied up with. As the confusion of organizing event continued, I didn't know if we really got the drum kit or we ever got to play. The dream continued with a cut scene.

The next thing I knew, the con was over and we were headed to a swimming party/lessons. Pao J. was the instructor. I was just a giggly 12 year old waiting for the party to start ... oh and the lessons too. The whole swimming class was divided into 5 groups. We get one Hunk Member each. I coudln't understand if it was a fortunate thing we got Bernard Palanca.

He was late ... caught up in an important meeting. He was really no longer a hunk, but more of a business man associated in the arts. If anybody knew who Bernard Palanca is, then it should be obvious it's a family thing.

He arrived eventually and said his apologies. He went straight to this specialty shop he apparently owned as this was where we waited for him expressing our thoguhts on the recently concluded con and our excitement over the party that surely would cap the con.

But that's it. We were late, so we went on to the party ... I wonder if I learned anything about swimming at all.