The rule was ... you may go back to the the time in which you want to re-live. But you will only relive the year and the feel --- at the age you are in, the fulfilments you've already acheive, the wisdom you've acquired along the years. In my sad mind, I took it on but not because I want to relive the time, but more to change it how I wanted it to be.
I chose to go back to my third year in High School.
I noticed that I had to look for a place near the school. A boarding house or a room for rent ... for my mom and me.
I enocuntered a few highschool classmates who were there for the same reason but different purpose ... people I never really liked as they bullied me just because I was weak when we were younger.
15 was the age I changed from the stone steps to the stone on the pedestal. I was always out of school to loitter in Diliman buildings; I was playing in one band and managing the other; I obsessed with Tekken and almost lived in SM Southmall; at night I'd be riding someone's car with the Eraserheads just to get in the hottest bistros and bars for free.
In my sad mind, it wasn't a thing to be grateful of.
Because of that --- the moment changed.
When I came across Bong, he was getting married to Jeni because she was already pregnant. We were 15, they weren't even supposed to hook up after the Karen months, after we were 16. They were supposed to marry at 21.
The bullies were slated for another year in High School. And then there was my mother who was having troubles letting me go with my father who was taking me with him for a better life.
Everything about me was a whole lot better. On the other hand, everyone else was suffering.
For everything I took, I had to pay for ... with someone else's blessing.
I want to be happy, but the guilt it carries made my sad mind sadder.
