Anger Management

I have a lot of anger in my dreams. It probably manifest itself there as I repress it in real life.

-oOo-

1. LOST THINGS

In a gated community in Las Pinas City, I took a tricycle home as I made my way home. I had a choice between the red line or the blue line, and I chose the blue.

The driver was a girl and she was new, so she had with her a teacher of sorts. She brought me to the exit of the gated community, where the department store RFC stood.

I got off and asked how much it cost. She told me PhP 12.00. So I put down my bag, and took out my coin purse, but I couldn't understand the coins as they weren't the same coins when I left the Philippines. They actually had me confused between the 50-peso coin and the 5-peso. It took me a while to complete the 12-peso fair.

When I got back to my bag, the bag was open and my Blackberry, IPad and other important belongings were already swiped.

I got so angry that I screamed at everybody around me, incluing the tricycle driver. Violently swayed the bag trying to hit everybody in my way.

Then, I woke up.

-oOo-

2. BROTHERLY (UN)LOVE

I never abandoned my brothers. THEY ABANDONED ME.

So my brother, JC, was staying at the room next to mine. I closed my door and turned on the TV with the volume at mid range so as not to disturb neighbors.

JC barged into my room and grabbed the remote control from my hands. He tries to turn down the volume. He looked at me and smirked, then put the TV on mute. When that did not get any reaction, he turned off the TV and threw the remote to me.

In sudden rage, I went after him and started kicking and punching. Even in my lightest-girliest punch, I was giving it all.

I woke up in the middle of kicking and punching. I was heaving trying to catch my breath.

__________________________________________

I chose blue over red. Peace over agression. Optimism over Negativity. However, in the end, I still lost hold of my temper. Or maybe because I repress it all, that's why I lost my temper in my dream.

Losing important stuff only means -- still -- the anxiety over the change in my life. So am I angry that I'm thrown at this change without giving me any options at all? Or does it mean, I'm angry at losing all the opportunity I could have?

The fair means how much I have valued myself. It's not just 12 pesos as I'm willing to give 50 even. It's just that I think it's how much people are valuing me -- at least in my perspective.

As for my brother -- I guess, I feel like my brother is pushing my buttons when it comes to things I want to do. Or maybe, he's still ranting about it. And this angers me. Because he has always been the one who never supported me in my dreams. Really.

Hang up. Is all he'll ever be.